Have you ever noticed the tendency to compare yourself to others? To make decisions about how you are doing based on how others are doing?  And have you noticed that when you do this, you may find yourself feeling like “not enough”?

Comparing is often so habitual, we don’t even notice we’re doing it.  But the effect of this type of comparison is something to take a look at.

Can you remember the last time you felt unhappy with your situation?  It may have been the direct result of a comparison to others’ life situations.  Or, it may have been the result of comparison to the person you think you “should” be, or to the circumstances you think you “should” be experiencing – to an imagined future, or a long ago past.  Have you felt discouraged with your progress on the path to success when you compare it to where you want to be?

It’s always important to strive to live your best life.    It’s important to reflect and see if you are headed where you want to go.  It’s important to evaluate what’s working and what isn’t and adjust your course accordingly.  But beware when you compare to others, or to an imaginary self!

This type of comparison often results in negative emotions.  Some people attempt to resolve those feelings by surrounding themselves with people who are not doing as well as they are, people who are “non-threatening” to their self confidence, and people who make them feel good “in comparison”.  Although this may result in some good feelings, it is short lived and tenuous because it depends on the continual comparison to external circumstances.  More importantly, it limits one’s capacity to be mentored and inspired by those further along the path.

Leaving the Comparison Game

A better solution is to get out of the comparison game altogether.  You can begin to stop using imaginary measuring sticks with which you evaluate your life – the measuring sticks that have “more” at one end and “less” at the other, “rich” or “poor”, “good” or “bad”.

Here are some personal life coach tools for leaving the comparison game:

1)  Be keenly aware of how it feels when you think that you, or your circumstances, are not enough.  Know what it feels like when you have low self confidence and feel discouraged.

2)  When you notice that you have these feelings, also notice your specific thoughts of “less than” or “not enough”.

3)  Identify the imaginary measuring stick that you are using.  See if you can see the arbitrary points along the stick.

4)  Answer these questions:  What if your situation is not better or worse, good or bad, but rather, IT JUST IS?  How might you live if you could only see your present moment and had no reference to better or worse?  Can you just live your life NOW and not worry about measuring up?

5)  Seek to learn about yourself and what motivates you.  Do you really want those particular circumstances or do you want something different for your life?  What do you see in others’ circumstances that you can learn from?

6)  Practice gratitude.  What do you appreciate about your life right now?

There is a whole world of imaginary measuring sticks.  The people that you compare yourself to have their own imaginary measuring sticks that create the same feelings for themselves that you create when you compare.  If you see others’ circumstances as better than yours, you will think that they are very happy and satisfied.   But quite possibly, they are not happy and satisfied, because they are playing the comparison game, too!

Without so much comparing, we free ourselves to grow and learn from all situations.

(Image by Suvro Datta)

Are you a women for whom life is changing or has changed in ways you weren’t expecting? Or are there situations you aren’t sure how to handle, and you are trying to find your way?  Maybe you are facing starting over after divorce.  Or maybe you are grieving the loss of a loved one.  Or maybe you have changed careers or moved across the country.  Whatever it is – it’s a major life transition and you want answers on how to get through.  You know that your own personal growth and spiritual growth are critical to making the most out of your life now. This article offers some tips from a personal life coach for women to help you move through and beyond divorce or other life transition to a life you love – your authentic life.

As a mindfulness coach, I help many women in transition find their way through and beyond difficult life transition.  The focus of our personal life coach work together is meaningful personal and spiritual growth including learning mindfulness practices for more mindful living in order to lead a more authentic and joyful life.

Here are the best recommendations from my work as a life coach for women that you may find very helpful when you are in a life transition.

1) Take time for yourself.  It is time to ramp up the self care during your life transition!  Women are notorious for ignoring their own needs.  The best way to support yourself as a woman in a life transition is to practice excellent self care.  This means caring for all aspects of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self.   Give yourself adequate rest, relaxation, good food, proper exercise, meditation, and plenty of support from friends and/or a professional such as a life coach for women.

2) Slow down.  Even though life may be coming at you quickly, and demanding decisions, you will find that by slowing down just a bit, allowing yourself to be more mindful and present, taking time for a few deep breaths , living in the moment – you will make better decisions.  There is no reason to rush into critical decisions that will impact the rest of your life, such as where best to live or work.  Take your time and be gentle with your adjustment process that is natural to life transition.

3) Self acceptance and self love.  Women tend to be hard on themselves and expect themselves to know just what to do and how to fix any situation – perfectly.  This just sets you up for feeling shame or fear about your process of finding your way.  When things fall apart, it takes time to find your way again.  It may look messy for a while as you try out a few ideas or walk around in the fog during a life transition.  You can save yourself a lot of misery by understanding that you are exactly where you need to be, taking the actions you need to take in order to transition to the next part of your journey.  Let it be messy, because it will be whether you let it or not.  Allow yourself to make mistakes by trying things out slowly.  Don’t put everything at risk with each decision, such as moving cross country without living there for a while to see if it’s right for you.  Try things out and don’t worry when it doesn’t work out as you hoped.  This is how we learn!  And you are in a major learning phase of life.  As a life coach for women in transition, I have seen that the growth into self acceptance is the most powerful process for starting over after divorce or loss, to create an authentic life you love.

4) Stay open to possibilities.  To live in the state of possibility means being open to the concept that everything is working out for your good.  It also means you are willing to expect to receive the many good things which are coming your way.  Life is flowing and will carry you along.  You can relax and let go and trust.  You can practice mindfulness, mindful living, and true self acceptance as often as possible.

The good news in life transition, as difficult as it may seem, is that we are designed to change.  We are designed to feel challenged and lost and find our way again. We are resourceful and creative and Life is on our side.

It’s important and valuable to have a life direction.  However, there seems to be a lot of confusion about how to create or connect with your personal inspired vision for your life.  In this article, I hope to provide some insight in just what a life vision comprises, and the qualities of a life vision that will inspire and motivate you and others around you.

There’s some confusion around the concepts we call vision, purpose and mission statements.  What I’ve come to realize is that a life vision is much more expansive and powerful than either purpose or mission.  Purpose and mission are necessarily more narrow and tend to include aspects of measurement and comparison or judgment.  Whereas, vision does not.  Vision does provide direction, but it open and takes you beyond the land of measurements.

A vision is actually a “view” or image of what truly inspires you.  It’s a big picture of the greater possibilities for your life.  When you create your life vision (or rather get in touch with it, because spiritually, it is already there waiting for you to access it) it becomes the inspiration for your every action and focus.  It is the view that will help you create powerful goals and action plans.

A life vision is unlimited because it isn’t a finite landing place.  It’s more of a powerful launching pad.  It will contain possibilities for expansion and growth and development as it fosters new ideas and openings.  And most importantly, a powerful life vision will inspire you and others to take action.

Furthermore, a Life Vision is a powerful picture or image that when held in mind it actually transforms the state of mind of the viewer.  It has the power to expand the mind into the realm of great possibility and inspiration.  It energizes and uplifts your state of being into the higher realm of possibility, joy and creativity.  It also takes you out of the realm of right and wrong and judgment and comparisons.  It brings everyone into a space of present moment creativity.  It isn’t a “future” reality.  It can be seen and felt here and now.

Here are three steps to help you begin to access your life vision.  You can use these for any aspect of your life – health, relationships, career, spirituality, etc.

1) First, enter into a meditation that brings you out of the realm of your day-to-day concerns and into the space of presence and peace.  This is the space where we can here the voice of our higher selves.

2) Let yourself begin to imagine the highest possibility for your life, letting your creativity expand into pictures that you can actually see, taste and feel as they come alive in your imagination

3) Write down what you see – describe the picture.  Describe the view of “how it is” in the realm of possibility.

To help you with this, here is a portion of my life vision.

I see that through my work as a personal life coach for women, clients are powerfully supported for personal and spiritual growth and transformation, so that they may face life’s challenges with courage and wisdom and create their lives with meaning, vision and joy through mindful living.  I see the positive spiritual growth of women living more mindfully and joyfully as a ripple effect, spreading out to bless others – children, spouses, friends, parents, co-workers, communities, the world.

Enjoy creating your new life vision!

TO DO lists help us remember and get things done.But have you noticed that often these lists are ever present in our minds?We’re always wondering what to do next, what we forgot to do, and what we need to add to the list?

How might it be if instead we were vigilant about a TO BE list?

Be present
Be compassionate
Be peaceful
Be joyful
Be alert

A TO BE list is not a list to check off the way we mark things DONE on a TO DO list, because Being is never done.We use the list to clarify our intentions for the NOW rather than to evaluate past performance.Our TO BE list reminds us of the choices we have every moment and inspires us to always put our best feet forward.In the words of the late Coach John Wooden, “It isn’t what you do, but how you do it.”

Choosing How to BE is perhaps more subjective than choosing What to DO and it’s more powerful in terms of quality of life. For example, charging ahead on a TO DO list frequently results in feeling rushed and overwhelmed, not enjoying the doing. In consciously choosing a state of Being like BE Alert, you will be surprised and enriched as you notice things unnoticed before. Choosing to BE Compassionate, many ordinary conversations become rich and meaningful.

Are you ready to really enjoy Getting Things Done? After all, you’ll be doing things on the list anyway, right? Try lining up your TO BE list right next to your TO DO list. Whenever you decide on the next thing to do, ask yourself “How will I BE in the doing of this?”

For example, if you need to contact a company about an error in your order, how do you want to be as you do it? Open? Relaxed? Understanding? Clear? If laundry is next, how do you want to be in the doing of it? Calm? Mindful? Playful?

Hint: Things like “BE productive” “BE perfect” violate the spirit of the TO BE list. BE careful what you choose to BE!

“I didn’t make any mistakes,
I just know a thousand ways not to make a light bulb.”
—- Thomas Edison

Looking for the life lessons in our challenging circumstances isn’t always easy, for sure. However when we do, we capture the gems of our lives that may have gone unnoticed. Sometimes, just facing the challenge is the lesson – we learn how to persevere.

I came across this site this weekend and thought you might enjoy. Founder Mike Dooley says “Thoughts Become Things – choose the good ones!” Members believe that LIFE is the ultimate adventure because in the jungles of time and space our thoughts become things and dreams do come true!

Got Goals? Stay motivated by focusing on your values and intentions!

We are all values-driven, meaning we seek to live a life that is aligned with our most important values.When you set a goal, make sure achieving it will be an expression of your deeply held values.First, identify your highest values.Then, determine how each of your goals will be an expression of your values.

For example, if your goal is to own a home this year and you highly value relationship, personal growth, and leadership, consider all the ways owning a home aligns with your values:Will it enhance your relationships?How does owning a home support your personal growth?Will achieving this goal provide opportunities for leadership?By tying the goal to as many values as possible, you add strength to your motivation.On the other hand, by doing this exercise you may discover that the goal does not align with your vision of your true self!You may also get a clearer picture of goals you do want to attain. Read more of Values-driven motivation – Mindfulness & Goal Setting

Quote I recently heard – “When the power of love overcomes the love of power, we will know peace.”  I would add – “When we know and PRACTICE love as the only true power, we will know peace.”